As I face this again, I feel weighted down by the enormity of the task.
This is of course a problem I have created. I hoard. I have periods of great collecting, gathering, nesting. This is usually proceded by guilt, clutter and confusion. At times I discard with disregard for the items, as long as I am freeing up space. Space that is for more crap.
Now as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so too is crap. There would be no trash n treasure without that fine line between junk and gold. One person's need is another's excess.
My issue with all things trash and treasure, is sentimentality.
To be sentimental about a thing in the literary sense evokes memories, moments passed, an earlier (and happier?) time. To define this word using a dictionary, MY version of 'sentimentality' is reduced to:
"false emotion" "insincerely emotional" "the effort by an author to induce emotional responses in the reader that exceed what the situation warrants" "evoking a predictable emotional response with a clichéd prompt".
Not sounding too good is it?!
The question remains though; what to keep and what to toss.
My parents have lived in the one house for over 35 years. The house has grown to adapt to their needs, spacial requirements, age and stage. As we now visit there with our own kids, my brother and I DO get a kick from seeing the books, toys and in some cases clothes of our childhood being used by our kids. This makes me wonder - is it my duty to keep things in case Miss 3 and Master 7 want them in 20 years? Under what circumstances can things be discarded without guilt? Am I keeping these things because they previously belonged to or were made by Nan? Is it triggering a memory or is it feeling about a certain item. Once I HAVE these things, are they of any use stashed in a box or cupboard?
The dilemma of course highlights the excess within which we all live. I am surrounded by 'stuff' as I have explained before. I seem to gather my 'nest' around me and get cosy within it, clucking and fussing until a visitor's face betrays their shock at the state of my rooms! I have been the brunt of thoughtless comments that "it's ok for the kids to run wild at Jess' as there's nothing that matters if it's broken". Harsh words but true to some extent.
I am in awe of some amazing people, like Eilleen, who can start again from zero-ish and rebuild, only having the items that are used and thus needed. Some people don't cling to memories or to the past. Some keep their houses minimalist but have boxes elsewhere. I however don't have the luxury of a shed, a garage, a storage container to keep my excess caged, I need to make some decisions.
Per example; wedding presents. Ten years ago we bought 'stuff'. Some of it we use, most of it has been passed on to others as our needs and tastes have changed. Wedding presents, so commonly requested via bridal registers reflect older tastes as well. We have some beautiful items in their boxes, rarely used. We don't believe in 'saving for best' but glass salad bowls just aren't practical in our day-to-day! To keep or to part with? Tastes change, cupboards can only be so full. TLK tells me that if it doesn't make you smile then throw it out. Of course memories of the wedding make me smile, remembering who gifted these items to us makes me smile, but I have other ways of remembering this. Lots of things make me smile but are not things to keep. After an hour or so of packing though, NOTHING makes me smile other than being outside in fresh air kicking the footy with the kids!
'Kicking the footy' by Kym HartThe give-away-or-sell-? situation has never been an issue for me - I have always donated. I would rather someone get some use from an item and Salvos benefit from my 'trash'. I'm also too lazy to arrange to sell. At the moment though, the $$ is needed. Amazing that I feel like I'm cheating the Salvos by selling my own goods, but there you go. We're funny humans aren't we?!
Eilleen has taught me that shopping is not a hobby, not a leisure pursuit, not a habit I want my kids to inherit. As I look around me, I see so many things that DO make me smile, and I realise that I need to give myself permission to err, need to forgive in me the mess and clutter, and embrace the bower bird within. I am attempting not to buy things that aren't neccessities, use what I have, finish the UFOs, practice gratitude rather than wanting, and spend more time just kicking the footy. Things are just that, things. Maybe if I repeat that enough times to myself I will believe it...
If you have read through this, then thank you for hanging in there! Yes, this IS a craft blog, and things are being made and planned to be made. Now the rant has excaped, perhaps I can make room to create.
xx
7 comments:
In cyberspace no one can hear you scream, but they can read that you are screaming (read, ranting), and smile and nod in sympathy and pass on their good wishes for the next decluttering event in your life.
Enjoy footy with the kids in between times.
Keep well.
jen
not so much a rant as a process of self discovery I think!
Those are all big questions. I think I have only one small useful thing to add.
My kids each have a large suitcase full of "memory" stuff. Now they are bigger they add to it themselves, They keep special toys and clothes and things from school .
They have no interest in the baby clothes or things from when they were tiny, but they love to revisit the stuff from when they were young that sparks memories for them.
and as a postscript - I hoard!
Moving house is number one on my 'most hated things to do' list. I wish you luck with the de-cluttering tasks. I tried really hard to de-clutter when I moved but I still have boxes of crap that I'm yet to unpack.
I wish that my mum had kept all of my things from when I was younger, but we also constantly moved when we were kids.... so there's really not much left. How about creating a memory box for each child, so that you just have room to keep the really special things?
This rings a lot of bells.
We are at a stage in our lives where the children are growing older and the 'house style' is changing. Add to that the imminent arrival of my mother AND CK's overwhelming need to go through every cupboard before then and we have seen many, many changes in the last few weeks.
Please don't beat yourself up. I collect, I hoard, I shop but every once in awhile I will have a sale or just donate. This is who I am.
oh goodness Jess I'm blushing at the mention!
I have to say I love your house because everytime I pick up an item, you always have a story behind it. Until I had met you I hadn't anyone who can remember stories the way that you do.
You also need to give yourself credit for the decluttering you have already done!
One little thing I've done in the past. If it has stayed in the box for an entire year and never opened or touched, then it goes...without me opening the box.
Of course, I'm with you now $$ are needed. Funny enough I do have a few things I'd like to get rid off too. Just some excess tools that I got from the auctions.
Would you like to do a trash and treasure together?
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